Saturday, February 16, 2008

Waldo Goes to OSU on Hide-and-Seek Scholarship

Where's Waldo?... Columbus. Gets full ride to play Hide-and-Seek for the Buckeyes.

By Aimin' for Failure

Jeanette, PA (Truthbrush) - - Ohio State’s Hide and Seek team, ranked #4 nationally, received a huge shot in the arm when they received a signed commitment from one of the most highly sought-after recruits of all time, Waldo.

Waldo was being courted by many of the top teams in the country. He had narrowed it down to Michigan, Ohio State and Penn State, three well known Big Ten HandS programs. The recruitment came down to the wire; it even went past National Signing Day. But in the end Waldo chose the Buckeyes. When reached for comment, he said. “I'm from PA and I really love Penn State, but when it came down to it, Ohio State just paid me a lot of money. Check out my sweet red and white striped corvette.”

Waldo joins an already strong HandS team at OSU, a team loaded with disappearing talent. Most notably: Bigfoot, The Unabomber, The Wizard of Oz and Brittany Spears’ Dignity. They are coached by the most famous Hider of all time: Richard Simmons, who has been hiding in the closet for over three decades.

Waldo received a great deal of fame and notoriety in the 90’s due mostly to his “Where’s Waldo?” book series. Born Ryan Walde, his head swelled to enormous proportions, and he shortened his moniker to a single-name… reminiscent of other arrogant celebrities like Cher, Pele, The Undertaker, Bambi and God (full name God Shammgod).

Waldo, after starring in his series of Where's Waldo books, made a name for himself as one of the top illusionists in the country. He has appeared in paintings, pictures and also in court for appearing in the rooms of unsuspecting women. It is widely believed that Waldo has been using his camouflaging abilities for all of the wrong reasons.

In recent years, Waldo befriended Chris Angel and David Blaine, two of the other top illusionists in the world; also two of the biggest creeps in North America. They spent a great deal of time trying to pick up underage girls at malls with magic and illusions on TV. After a 2003 rape allegation, rumors began to swirl about Waldo’s use of his abilities.

“Fame came hard to him;” said friend and fellow character Wanda. “Waldo thought he could have any woman he wanted. But look at him… he is a giant creep, so it never really worked that way for him. Unfortunately, he’s a lot better at hiding than talking to girls. So Waldo would meet a girl at a bar, get rejected by her, and be hiding in her hotel room or apartment when she got home.”

“His favorite song was Clay Aiken’s. The one with the lyrics: ‘If I was invisible, I would just watch you in your room.” Said Wanda. “It’s pretty creepy when you think about it.”

Waldo has gotten off of 2 rape charges and 7 charges of stalking and trespassing. Many believe that these charges were dropped due to his high profile and bright future in Hide and Seek.

This is the most publicity Waldo has received since he won a lawsuit against a sex-toy company for a wall mounted sex toy which used his name. He was awarded 19 dollars.


Anonymous said...

Waldo has an alias.... Floss

Anonymous said...

Moe Greene's Loan Arithmitic

Moe Greene was being questioned by the Wallace during an arithmetic lesson on a previous booked loan of hhis. 'If you had ten dollars,' said the wallace, 'and I asked you for a loan of eight dollars, how much would you have left?'

'Ten,' said Moe firmly.

'Ten?' the Wallace said 'How do you make it ten?'

'Well,' replied Moe 'You may ask for a loan of eight dollars, but that doesn't mean you'll get it!' Especially if I booked the loan!

Anonymous said...

HA HA guess who?