|Te'oing + Graphic T|
By Eamon Conway
South Bend - IN -- TruthBrush
He was duped. He believed outrageous things that some simple common sense would have debunked. His name is Phil Knight, CEO and founder of Nike. He invested over $40 Million between Lance Armstrong’s sponsorship and funding of Livestrong. Reached for comment, Knight said, “Is this Te'o kid for real? What a dumbass.”
Americans, still sporting the tan lines from their recently scissored Livestrong bracelets, flocked to social media on Wednesday to mock Manti Te’o, Notre Dame linebacker, and naïve, horny, virgin Mormon, for being gullible.
Over 80 million Livestrong bands were sold. Sold to an American public who placed its national defense in the hands of General Petraeus, celebrated Mark McGwire and Barry Bonds as they chased home run records, made the WWE into an entertainment industry, and have donated billions to televangelists.
An American public who took to social media, en masse. In all 6 great jokes were written, each one by Rob Delaney, drowned out by 118 million attempts by a society of hacks and mouth breathers.
An American public who believed that there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, and almost voted this man into the Vice Presidency.
|John Edwards. Circa: Time he was cheating on his cancer-stricken wife. Note his wrist / ring finger.|
Reached for comment, John Edwards said. “The funniest thing is the irony of all the videos they find of him talking about how in love he was. It makes him even more stupid in retrospect.”
The TruthBrush reached Father John Misty, a reverend at Notre Dame. “Manti is a trusting kid. Look, he’s a Mormon, he believes in Magic Underwear, and that Jesus Christ spent time in Utah. You can’t be shocked that he’d be susceptible to being scammed. Ha. What does he think, Jesus walked across the Atlantic Ocean? Absurd! By the way, any donations to the Catholic Church are always welcome.”
Stephen A. Smith from ESPN, the only news outlet less credible than Deadspin, was reached for comment.