-God Vetoes Religious Tattoo Amendment, Shoulder blade crucifix no longer gaurantees eternal salvation.
by: Aimin' for Failure
Last week, the Heaven House of Representatives ratified a controversial amendment to the Ten Commandments by voting 57-46 to pass a bill concerning religious tattoos. However, God used his Holy Veto power to overturn the decision.
What would have been the 11th commandment would have allowed so called "get out of jail free cards" for tattooed Crosses, Jewish Stars, depictions of God, Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, Lou Diamond Phillips, etc.
A spokesman for God said that “Admission should concern how virtuous a person was, rather than a $75 ink investment. A religious tattoo doesn’t necessarily make a person moral… in fact it makes them 32% more likely to be a member of a L.A. street gang.”
St. Peter disagreed with the decision. "I saw the bill as a logical solution to Heaven's illegal-immigration problem.” Limbo has recently become overcrowded, mainly by souls awaiting the tattoo vote. The result was rampant border jumping; forcing St. Peter to step up border security along the pearly gates – which have been damaged in many places.
The most notable celebrity waiting on the tattoo decision is Tupac – due to a dubiously negative career offset by many religious tattoos. The halfway-in/halfway-out status has allowed Tupac to release his last 7 albums post-mortem, as well as erasing the “T” from his giant “THUG LIFE” tattoo.
God also covered other topics in the Veto- Stating: “Strongly discouraged is a tattoo of a newborn 2 days before turning into a deadbeat dad.” The language also suggested that directing Passion of the Christ does not grant free reign for drunken Nazi rants.